By: Ruby Gorrostieta
The movie, A Bronx Tale, is one of my favorite movies of all time. (If you have not seen it, go watch it). I love it mostly because it teaches valuable life lessons that anyone could relate to. I, for one, absolutely believe in the, you’re only allowed three great women in your lifetime. (In this case, three great men).
I had the amazing experience of falling head over heels in love with my first great at the age of 17. He was the love of my life. He was literally my other half. He was my first everything. He was my everything. He broke my heart the way all teenage girls get their heart broken. It kind of felt like putting my heart in a blender with lemon juice and salt…horrible. He was an honest kid so he did say it was because he was still young and didn’t wish to be so serious anymore. (He wanted to mess around with other girls). I hated that reason. I then hated seeing him jump from girl to girl until he ended up getting “real serious” with some chick from our high school AND eventually got her pregnant. (Bullet dodged, I ain’t even mad). I go on social media and see his pictures with that girl. It’s a funny feeling. I don’t know why I can’t help but to laugh a little bit. “All’s well that ends well,” I think to myself as I wish Great One #1 good luck to the rest of his life.
Now, Great One #2 was a bit different. I knew of him when I was a pre teen and would see him occasionally at quinceaneras. And of course he was a gangbanger. When I finally made contact with him, he had stopped being a pandillero and became a party animal. He was a whole lot of a fun and he was really funny just like me. I fell in love with the long car rides, the music being played in the car as we drove to SF to eat dinner. He took me out to eat all the time. He picked me up and took me out all the time. He was an amazing kisser. He was an amazing lover. He was a real sweet guy! He was loving and thoughtful. He was someone I saw myself being with for a long time. We were very much in love but since he had a child in Mexico with a baby momma, I knew it could never ever be something my family would approve of. Those are not traditions that I was brought up with. A man with a kid is never an option for me. But I didn’t care. I mean, I tried to break up with him because my parent’s didn’t allow it but I missed him so much. All I wanted to do was be with him. I didn’t care what anyone thought. So the vicious cycle of us breaking up and getting back together began and went on for five whole years. Within those five years, he slept with someone else, I slept with someone else and we would use it against each other and create absolute chaos. We would try to go out drinking to have fun, and there were a few times that we actually did. However, one time, a day after Valentine’s Day, we got into a really bad drunken fight. Old things were being brought up and things were spitefully said and both of us had a breaking point and began to attack each other violently. I remember it like it was yesterday. It was the first time a guy put his hands on me. The guy I loved hit me. The guy that was always making me have laugh attacks, attacked me. The next day, I had a black eye, a bruised rib, a sore body and a broken heart. After that day, I never looked at him the same way. Yes, we got back together after that and tried to make things work because when you love someone so much, you’re always wanting to make it work any way possible. But every time he and I fought, it took a great toll on me and how I saw myself. Great One #2 was a real life lesson for me. I mean, he was very great at some point but I learned the hard way that sometimes, you gotta let these guys go and do what’s best for you! Sometimes, it really isn’t worth it. When you start asking yourself these questions: “ Am I not beautiful? Is my body even as hot as the girl he slept with? Does he think I’m always gonna be here? Does he know I’m always gonna be here? Does he know that he has control over me? Does he manipulate me and know it? Does he have any idea how amazing he is at manipulating me? You know it’s time to let him go completely. A toxic love is never love. Just because you love someone, doesn’t mean they’re meant for you.
Great One #3 is yet to come for me. I think that I learned a whole lot about myself with these two crazy heartbreaks. I still have a lot more to learn about myself. There were times when I was with him, that I would hate my body so much. I would hate my tummy, my little booty and my huge hips. I HATED myself. I hated myself because he once compared me to the girls he messed around with. So what if that Richmond girl had a huge ass? (That every guy hit). So what if that girl from your job looked like a model and wanted you really bad? So what? You’re only Great One #2 who almost didn’t even make it on the “Great” list. Now, Every now and then I look at the mirror in my undies and my bra and I smile at my thighs. I touch my waist and I pose. I smile at myself and tell myself, “I am someone’s Great One #3.”